23 noiembrie 2009
Dear guys,
1. When talking to a girl, don't EVER make jokes about her weight or age. You'll only get her annoyed. No, wait, you'll get her really mad.
2. Self irony is also a delicate matter, so please, be careful when using it. Self pity is a dangerous strategy.
3. Don't get in conversations on topics you only have superficial knowledge of, you'll make a fool of yourselves.
4. If a girl is asking you to join her on a night out with her friends, she's not necessarily interested in you.
5. If you already have a girlfriend, don't bring her up every 5 minutes. Seriously.
6. Check your spelling every time, no one likes a grammar idiot.
7. Don't be clingy, it's probably the easiest way you can fail. Girls like bad boys (duh). I won't even comment on stalkers.
8. Don't send her idiotic (presumably funny) links or jokes. Also, songs older than 10 years are a total no-no.
9. Don't criticize her unless you can actually bring reasonable/non insulting arguments for it. Again, don't criticize what/where she eats.
10.You won't get her by mentioning your macho abilities. Or if you do, she's probably not worth the trouble.
11. Before going out, look yourselves in the mirror and lose anything that could also be worn by your grandpa. For god's sake, textile napkins are disgusting.
12. Don't exaggerate your showing off. Careful, there's a delicate balance there.
13. Don't even try to imply that she's smarter than you. Pity won't bring you sex or anything else (this only happens in crappy hollywood movies).
14. Calling her cheesy names or being over-polite will only remind her of her dad. Unless she has some oedipal complex, trust me, it won't work.
15. Don't invite yourselves over to her place. It's lame.
16. Using alcohol to make things easier is a good idea, as long as you don't get her too drunk. She will still remember you sucked, plus she will never forgive you for the terrible hangover.
17. Irony may be used, unless it's (again) related to her age or weight. I can't stress that enough.
18. Don't bring flowers on a first date. Laaaame. Pay her compliments, but make sure it sounds plausible. Sexual jokes are only allowed after she has already shown interest in you.
19. Nobody likes a mama's boy. Grow up!
20. Finally, if she's already said no, get over it. Please, show some self respect.
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14 comentarii:
I like flowers on the first date....
good for you :P
1. trebuiau numerotate
2. ca sa pot comenta ceva
3. prea lung, prea in engleza
4. gresit pe alocuri.
5. totusi foarte util - cred ca mi'ar fi prins tare bine in adolescenta.
6. o floare la un blind-date a deschis o asemenea atmosfera incat am incheiat seara direct intr'o vila din busteni... fara haine, fara bagaje, fara pregatiri...
7. samd.
1. point taken, done
3. e in engleza fiindca am vrut sa evit sa mai amestec limbile
4. remember point no 9 :P sunt sigura ca e gresit pe alocuri, dar se bazeaza pe experienta mea sau a prietenelor mele, deci subiectiv
6. nu exclud exceptiile
na ca am avut niste timp. si am comentat!
1. When talking to a girl, don't EVER make jokes about her weight or age. You'll only get her annoyed. No, wait, you'll get her really mad.
- hihi – fete! (ton condescendent)
2. Self irony is also a delicate matter, so please, be careful when using it. Self pity is a dangerous strategy.
- si cica sunt fiinte empatice, emotionale. Puah!
3. Don't get in conversations on topics you only have superficial knowledge of, you'll make a fool of yourselves.
- so... don’t talk at all!
4. If a girl is asking you to join her on a night out with her friends, she's not necessarily interested in you.
- atunci sa precizeze asta cand face invitatia!
5. If you already have a girlfriend, don't bring her up every 5 minutes. Seriously.
- ah, cat egoism. Se naste o invidie fata de respectiva sau este amorul propriu atins?
6. Check your spelling every time, no one likes a grammar idiot.
- come on! Luc da fac around!
7. Don't be clingy, it's probably the easiest way you can fail. Girls like bad boys (duh). I won't even comment on stalkers.
- clingy? Girls like bad boys. Deci ele vrea sa planga! Si’o cauta cu lumanarea! D’asta nu intelegeam de ce veneau in adolescenta sa’mi planga mie pe umar si apoi o luau de la capat cu alti derbedei...
8. Don't send her idiotic (presumably funny) links or jokes. Also, songs older than 10 years are a totally no-no.
- da, fi rili cool sa fi deloc! Ca ele e superficiale.
9. Don't criticize her unless you can actually bring reasonable/non insulting arguments for it. Again, don't criticize what/where she eats.
- nope, inca nu ai voie sa vorbesti.
10.You won't get her by mentioning your macho abilities. Or if you do, she's probably not worth the trouble.
- adica... cam toate? (cu tot cu cacofonie). Fiindca dintre cele care pretind ca nu se dau in vant dupa macho... sunt cele care aleg handicapati (ad literam) pentru ca probleme psiho... sau aleg tot macho dar cu metode mai slefuite de a se macho’ui.
11. Before going out, look yourselves in the mirror and lose anything that could also be worn by your grandpa. For god's sake, textile napkins are disgusting.
- for god’s sake inseamna sake pentru zei?
12. Don't exaggerate your showing off. Careful, there's a delicate balance there.
- yeah, and never ok. Unless she like you. Then, no matter what you do – it’s fachin veri ok!
13. Don't even try to imply that she's smarter than you. Pity won't bring you sex or anything else (this only happens in crappy hollywood movies).
- hoho!
14. Calling her cheesy names or being over-polite will only remind her of her dad. Unless she has some oedipal complex, trust me, it won't work.
- deci nu’i vorbi cald / politicos. Ca’i amintesti de tat’su. Apoi sa vezi tu pe dracu’ ce ti’o furi pentru ca nu’i vorbesti cald! Si politicos!
15. Don't invite yourselves over to her place. It's lame.
- be lame! Have sex! =))
16. Using alcohol to make things easier is a good idea, as long as you don't get her too drunk. She will still remember you sucked, plus she will never forgive you for the terrible hangover.
- morala: dot'n... you... be... sucked... boy... just bang her. she will love you. or don't bang her. love her. she will only want to be banged. not loved.
17. Irony may be used, unless it's (again) related to her age or weight. I can't stress that enough.
- girlie... :P
18. Don't bring flowers on a first date. Laaaame. Pay her compliments, but make sure it sounds plausible. Sexual jokes are only allowed after she has already shown interest in you.
- again. Be lame! Have sex!
19. Nobody likes a mama's boy. Grow up!
- bat mama’s boy is the most wanted husband. Because they seems to be easy to control.
20. Finally, if she's already said no, get over it. Please, show some self respect.
- Unless it’s about sex! Daca ati ajuns la asta, vrea! Dar nu poate sa recunoasca usor ca sa nu piarda puncte de aparenta. Asta e, la fete 101% e aparenta.
x+1. nu ascultati sfaturi de la fete! in mod constant afirma si chiar cred ca vor ceva si aleg altceva... (ring a bell, vreo concluzie?)
:P
si daca tot am facut fun de tot ce am gasit...: tu ce varsta ai la chilele astea? :P
pfff, ai comentat mai mult decat lungimea postului, te fac guest blogger :P
si postul asta era un pamflet, o exagerare etc etc etc.
am 25.
sa-ti pun link? vrei sa impartim celebritatea? :)) (nu, nu incerc sa te cumpar :P)
ma... nu vreau sa impartim celebritatea, da' il impartim pe soferu' care incerca sa te imbucure... (daca nu am confuzionat blogul)
haha, detectez o usoara urma de frustrare? vorba unui prieten, the lack of women in my life.. :P
au contraire, ma cherie... trop d'fammes! familia e cea care imi lipseste. femeile... chiar prea multe! astfel ca am aflat despre ele mai mult decat pot duce.
e adevarat. sunt nebun. dar prin prisma nebuniei mele pot totusi arata destul de coerent ca... e buba mad'ame (sau ma'dame)...!
hmm, daca sunt atat de multe, poate nu e la ele buba :P
si imi aduce aminte de problema dublului standard, dar na, asta-i deja alta discutie
adicatelea tu vrei sa imply ca ar fi la mine buba? haha! pai da, tocmai, sunt buba. ca nu sunt baiatu' lu mama care sa faca frumos mumu, nu sunt nici macho, nu sunt nici agramat (desi mai reusesc ocazional sa scot cate o duda).
ins abuba de care spun eu la ele este ca le'am vazut cum sunt capabile sa se transforme din femei sincere, loiale in usuratice... nu pleaca de langa boul cu care s'au tepuit. ci il inseala! si nu il inseala fiind vorba doar despre sex (cum fac unii barbati). ci il inseala cu totul. cu sufletul! si li se pare o solutie chestia asta! sau le'am vazut cum aleg din start unul pe care il pot insela!
si le'am vazut cum dupa 10 ani is dau seama ca baiatul lu' mama totusi nu e o alegere ok. se plictisec de moarte cu el. da, e relativ safe, dar se dau cu capul de pereti dupa 10 ani de plictiseala. asa ca ta-da-daaam! uite'l pe liviu ca e tip ok, hai sa ii cerem sa ne iubeasca.
ori problema asta vrei sa zici ca vine de la mine...?
si ca era vorba de frustrari, alta: daca la 27 de ani arata superb si gasea tot felul de macho sa'i gadile orgoliul si toate cele, cand la 37 incepe sa i se vada varsta... hopa... liviu ie brusc ok, acum da, acum vreau sa mi'o trag cu el. cand eram frumoasa mi'o trageam cu altii. idioti, dar aratau beton. acum idiotii se uita la alte pustoaice. insa liviu m'a iubit suficient de mult incat sa mai tina si acum la mine... asa ca acum imi face placere sa ma culc cu el...
problema e de la mine, nu?
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